From: an occasional forwarder who incidentally happens to be a woman
Subject: Men Are Just Happier People

Men Are Just Happier People

-Convince me...

What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

-If he's marrying in North American society. I believe it's the other way around in some South american cultures.

The garage is all yours.

-Unless you live in an apartment.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

-Unless you don't get married.

Chocolate is just another snack.

-No - crackers are just another snack, chocolate is perfect food for just about any occasion, if you like it, that is!

You can be President.

-Only if you're a candidate in the running, and then, gender does not, and should not matter!

You can never be pregnant.

-Ever heard of abstinance? Ever heard of the pill?

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

-Of course I can, what's a little water on a white shirt on a hot day? Gender be darned!

-Only if you want me to disown you as a friend or relative and die of embarrassment shortly after.

-Unless you don't own a car or get a mechanic who doesn't fit the stupid stereotype.

The world is your urinal.

-In which case, you are not a man, you're a dirty, thick-whitted animal that is not house-broken and should be stuck in a cage and fed on dog, cat, and bird food, and you would be anything but happy by the time I was through with you!

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is
just too icky.

-And you have the urge to go at every stop anyway!

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

-Which is the limit you probably have on direction capability anyway.

-Bullcrap.

-No, they just ad wrinkles.

-Unless it's a home-made dress and you buy the tux. And again that's only if you plan to get married.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

-Unless you're wearing no shirt and you're growing enough hair on it to put a gorilla to shame. People are likely to take a second look at your balding head, though.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

-With disgust and is frowned on by anyone civilized in North America. Other cultures may be different again.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

-Neither do mine, I shop for comfort.

-Yeah - zoned out!

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

-Oh yeah? Explain the guys who yack loudly on their cell phones when they're sitting at the next table or standing right behind you in a long lineup in a public place.

You know stuff about tanks

-Which makes you a happier person because?

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

-Hel-lo!? Same here!

You can open all your own jars.

-Lots of women can do that.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

-Not from me - equal credit for equal character.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

-Especially if it was something you really didn't want to go to in the first place.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

-Depends on the store, the brand, you get the idea - anyway, who in the world keeps a record in their head of currancy for crotch-covers?

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

-Let's see - I have two pairs of shoes. Plenty! Sandals for the summer and closed in shoes for the rest of the year, that suits me just fine.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

-Heck, I almost never have strap problems in public or in private, but then, I make sure I'm comfortable and have clothing that fits and stays in position well.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

-Yeah, same here, I have to make a conscious effort to examine mine, but I usually try not to wear clothes that wrinkle badly in the first place. Or be careful not to sleep in them.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

-Unless you get embarrassed, angry, or scared - and I've known men to do all three.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

-Oh yeah, I had long hair for a decade, then went shorter, and have had it this way for years. Yeah, looks good, feels good.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

-And that's just in the summer during shorts season. Most of us wear long pants in the fall and winter, so who cares about leg-shaving then?

You can play with toys all your life.

-Let's see. I have a bag of marbles in one desk drawer, a few stuffed animals in another, a set of legos downstairs that has a few pieces missing over the years but I'll take them out evern once in a long while to fiddle with, I have some little dolls that are nice to hold, a twirler plastic thing that sings when it's, well, twirled, an assortment of toys that make sounds, some light flashers in various shapes, internet chat, shall I go on?

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

-And that makes you happier, because?

One wallet and one pair of shoes --

-Yep, same. One pair for summer, and one for the rest of the year.

one color for all seasons.

-Yeah - I usually wear colors that look good in all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

-I do.

You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.

-Ouch - yuck! And that makes you happier because?

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache..

-Uhm, yeah, but who cares?

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

-And probably end up getting them worthless junk they don't want.

No wonder men are happier.

-Gosh yes, ohhh, to burp, know about tanks, cut yourself doing your nails with a knife, turn nuts and bolts, wear a mustache, and pee all over creation - now that - is HAPPINESS!

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