Gads, I'm convinced nothing kills brain cells more fast and furious than chain mail!

You open your email, and find you have gotten something from your friends!

Or have you?
From: a...friend.
Subject: Thought You Could Use This

-Yeah, sure...like I could use an electric shock...

*chain letter fluffy sayings deleted, seen them before in other versions of it*

-Gads! Anybody else out there sick of these chain letters demanding to be sent back to the person who sent them to you? Please, the internet is already polluted with millions of copies of the same fake friendship spam, server overload isn't just a myth, and things are slow because of overload from people sending the same annoying emails around. And who wants to keep getting copies of the same chain letter all the time? Definitely not me!

It's a short message to let them know that you'll never forget them.

-Yeah, sure, like a personal email couldn't have done a much better job of conveying the message? Golly gee, I'm so tickled to be number 3729367 in somebody's never-to-forget address list!

-Oh, please! Let's put some perspective on this.

-If you don't pass this on, it doesn't mean you've forgotten your friends and are in a hurry. Don't let some chain letter guilt-trip you into emailing copies of it all over the internet! It's no substitute for personal email!

-if you do pass it on, it does mean:

-1. You were taken in by a fake friendship chain letter

-And it could also mean:

-2. You were in too much of a hurry to send your friends a real email, a personally typed note from you.

-3. You've forgotten your friends and how to communicate because you think these sappy forwards mean more to them than anything coming honestly from you. How much time and caring does it take to mass email people on an address list?

-To write emails instead of passing on forwards!

From: some gullible forwarder
To: long list of people spammers would love
Subject: FW: Woohoo........we're gonna be rich

-*Rolling eyes uncontrolably* Yeah right...You actually believe a silly piece of email has that kind of power - use your brains, people!

-*signature, complete with first and last name, work information including phone number and street address deleted.* Wow - that's so smart, passing that around all over the internet via chain mail! NOT!

-More names and email addresses deleted*

This is a money angel
Pass it to 6 of your good friends and be rich in 4 Days.

-No, more like, pass it to six people and show them you're an idiot who would believe a fwd that told you the sky was falling. Risk annoying at least one if not all six people in the process!

-The smart thing to do would be to tell whoever sent it to you in the first place to stop making a dipstick of her/himself, and delete the darn thing.

Pass it to 12 of your good friends and be rich in 2 Days.

-No, more like, show twelve people you're an even bigger idiot. How in heck do otherwise smart people get suckered into believing this crap? People, a text message is just that - a text message. It cannot influence your karma and make you rich depending on how many people you spam with the ridiculous thing! All it will do is show twelve people how gullible you are!

I am not joking. If u delete it u will beg. Trust me!!!

-I'm not laughing. Beg, for what? The only thing I feel like begging for now is an end to the unbelievable stupidity displayed by the people who continue to pass this crud on!

-I would expect an elementery school child to fall for this, but not adults with normal iq, and certainly not anybody I know on the internet. Furthermore, how stupid do you people think I am? You thought I'd believe it and pass it on? You're not only embarrassing me by your stupidity but you have insulted me as well. I'm ashamed to realize what morons I have for friends! I'm hurt they think I'm gullible enough to believe a text message can give me money in proportion to the number of people I spam with copies of the same piece of junk! Wise up! Grow up! Stop making idiots of yourselves and stop insulting my intelligence! Stop passing on chain mail! Stop clogging up the net and people's inboxes with this bullshite! Because if you don't believe it but forward it anyway, you're wasting bandwidth and annoying people with spam. If you do believe it, you're stupid and I don't want to know you!

Subject: [just to let you know

-A very misleading subject that looks like a personal note from somebody.

-Imagine my disappointment when I opened the email to find it was just another varient of that nefarious malignant condition plaguing the internet known as - the dreaded chain letter, the saccharin friendship/love/fuzzy one to be exact. Like, ARGH!! Okay, here we go, Taking on this one, exposing the *real* intent behind this urksome piece of sickly-sweet.

-Interpreting the chain letter originator's point of view:

"Love YA"

-More like:

-"Got YA"

"Suppose one morning you never wake up,"

-*laughs* That'll get them stopping to think. Man, I love making people think of their own mortality! It's a great way to get them passing it on!

"do all your friends know you love them?"

-(Note: If not, they wouldn't be called 'friends'...DUH! How lame/stupid do these chain letter writers think we are? Please!)

-Oh, sorry, back to the jerk's chain letter and real intentions.

-"I was thinking..."

-about the best way to tug at your heart and get you to pass this on...*light goes on* Yeah! this would work...

"I could die today, tomorrow or next week, and I wondered if I had any wounds needing to be healed",

-other than my need to create chain mail and see how many people get taken in.

"friendships that needed rekindling or three words needing to be said."

-*violins start to play very sappily* Oh yes, those three words, that will get them sobbing and passing around this chain email wildly!

"Let every one of your friends know you love them."

(Note: By writing them emails you wrote, because your words mean so much more than this drip's. Back to their point of view.)

-since I don't know you. I'm just the author of the words or I stole them to use without the real author's permission in this fwd.. I just happen to be good at writing things that get ya right here, enough to make you believe you're passing on your own feelings through my words. I don't care if I get credit or not, just as long as you PASS IT ON!!!

"Even if you think they don't love you back, you would be amazed at what those three little words and a smile can do."

-*smirks* Yeah, that'll get them forwarding! *pats self on the back* I'm a genius!

"And just in case GOD calls me home ....."

-I had to say it again because of my morbid fascination with death and I know nothing will pull at your emotions like the thought of a friend dying, never mind the fact that you don't even know who I am, and religious people are SOOOOO naive and gullible, they never question a forward that mentions God; they are so incredibly easy to yank around by the hearts. Just mention God whether you believe in him or not and they take it as a Christian message. Let's see how many silly God-fearing people fall for this and pass it on! Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu!

-"I GOT YA!!!""

-"Send this to at least 4 people you love and send it back to the person who sent it to you....."

-"Because I want my handiwork to be the most widely syndicated thing in da whole world! Then I'll know I got da powah and everybody loves me most!"

"Live today to the fullest because tomorrow is not promised."

-"Yeah! That will REALLY get them in the hearts! Aren't I the most wisest, intelligentist genius on da planet! Man, I'm sooooo good, I wow myself with my infinite wisdom! Suckas!!!"

-Back to my own perspective.

-Here's better advice:

-Don't send this to four people you love or you could risk losing some of that love, and I don't mean through death, either. Don't send it back to the person who sent it to you! Good grief, if we kept doing that, we'd keep getting zillions of copies of the same blasted thing over and over again in our email! NOOOOOOO THANKS! Please, *Don't!*

Live life to the fullest, stop sending chain letters! Because the more chain mail you send, the more tomorrow is not promised as far as your friendships go.

-I've been on the internet for more than a decade, gotten too many of these how to be a good friend chain letters to count,and I do not appreciate sappy chain letters telling me how to live my life or pretending to predict the future if I don't say or do anything, good or bad. I will express my love in my own way, on my own time, and not when and because some stupid chain letter tells me to. Neither am I as inept at being friends as the mooks who originate these smarmy things.

-When you keep seeing this stuff, it makes you wonder if your friends really think you're so hopeless as a friend that you need to be preached to by these chains again and again?

-The best way to show you are a friend is not to forward this crap and risk annoying others who know better.

-Some poems that are forwarded are written by legit authors, the Slow Dance poem for example. It was written by a David L. Weatherford, and published in 1991 by the Russ Berrie Company. But some sick individual got the idea to put it into a dying child chain letter hoax, very likely a revamping of the Jessica Mydek hoax. So they included Weatherford's poem in the chain letter, stripped him of the credit he deserves as the true author, and claimed it was written by this dying child instead.

Subject: Fw: Delete this IF We are Not Friends

-There's little that annoys the heck out of me more than porn spam and stupid chain letters that threaten or guilt you into passing them along. No real friend would ever stop being friends with you for not passing on some stupid forward! Nobody has the right to tell you you're hartless if you don't pass on a chain letter lie about some sick kid that doesn't even exist, and not passing along some politically hot and misinformed chain email does not make you a racist, either. "Delete this if we are not friends?" That's a good way of testing the patience and tolerance of the friends you've got - don't fall for this crap! Geez, this is offensive!

FW: Delete this IF We are Not Friends

-No, report it to breakthechain.org and other sites that are there to debunk hoaxes. Do your friends a huge favor and show them you're a true friend - by not sending this to them! Don't give in to and support this e-mail man-handling!

--- Delete this IF We are Not Friends

-Good gads, this is sooooo insulting!

-This is so totally verbal coercion!

Subject: FW: DELETE THIS IF WE ARE NOT FRIENDS

-So completely shallow! And I didn't paste the subject line multiple times, that's how the infernal thing actually looked in my inbox!

Of all the friends I've ever met, You're the one I won't forget.

-Because your memory's not so good? Because you tend to forget those who don't pass on chain letters? Because if you forward it to a zillion people that means you'll remember them all as your one true and only unforgetable friend!?

And if I die Before you do

-That's not even something that crosses my mind... -For it is a morbid thing on which to stew. Like sheesh, what the heck is it with these chain letters fixating on people dying? It's time they put into practice what they drone on about, and it could happen if people would just stop passing them on!

-*Sickeningly sappy line about going up to heaven deleted* Oh, please! What is this fixation all sappy chain letter writers have with heaven?

I'll give the angels Back their wings

-That you stole when you made up this chain...or just broke their wings by giving into the chain letter guilt and passing it on.

And risk the loss Of everything

-Huh? I thought when you go to heaven you gain everything? Oh well...

Just to prove My friendship is true

I will

-not forward any more chain letters! I will write my own emails and show I really do have time for you!

I'm thankful to have Family and Friends like you!

-And can prove it in a much better, more sincere way than passing on a smarmy canned friendship chain!

-Ugh, now the forward starts shouting so I must keep up the volume or the text won't meld into it right.

DON'T SEND THIS TO ALL YOUR FAMILY FRIENDS AND BACK TO THE PERSON WHO SENT IT TO YOU.. AND CLOG UP THE INTERNET AND PEOPLE'S INBOX WITH YET ANOTHER ANNOYING FRIENDSHIP CHAIN THAT YOU DID NOT WRITE YOURSELF. IF YOU GET IT BACK...THAT PERSON IS NOT YOUR TRUE FRIEND!! -ALL IT MEANS IS THEY ARE FORWARDING IDIOTS!

-WHAT A STUPID CLAIM - IF YOUR FRIENDS ARE ONLY FRIENDS BECAUSE OF PASSING ON CHAIN MAIL YOU NEED TO FIND BETTER AND TRUE FRIENDS!

SEND IT TO THIS MANY AND GET:

0) NEVER GET KISSED

-Oh puh-leeeeeze! The correct answer is:

0) NEVER appear gullible or inconsiderate. Kissing has nothing to do with it! A text email containing some stupid dreck you didn't even write cannot compell people to kiss you! -

1) Won't GET You A PECK ON THE FOREHEAD

-BUT IT MIGHT GET YOU A HEAD-SHAKE AND A PITYING LOOK FROM SOMEONE WHO KNOWS BETTER THAN BELIEVE IN THIS TRASH

2) WON'T GET YOU A PECK ON THE CHEEK

-BUT YOU HAVE A 50/100% CHANCE OF ANNOYING SOMEBODY OR GETTING IGNORED BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT THIS WRETCHED THING PASSED FOR SHOWING FRIENDSHIP

3) WON'T GET YOU A PECK ON THE LIPS

-BUT INCREASE YOUR CHANCE TO BE ANNOYING, GULLIBLE OR INCONSIDERATE AND ALL OF THE ABOVE AND MORE POSSIBILITIES FOR PEOPLE BEING SMART AND DELETING IT or smart and annoyed, and telling you off before deleting it, OR BEING FOOLISH AND PASSING IT ON TO OTHERS AND LOOKING STUPID AS WELL.

4) WON'T GET YOU A KISS

5) WON'T GET YOU A HUG

-BUT IT COULD GET YOU A RANT AND CYBER SMACK FROM SOME JADED PERSON WHO'S FED UP TO HERE WITH CHAIN LETTERS AND SEEING PEOPLE CONTINUE TO FALL FOR THEM AND PASS THEM ALONG

6) GET A REALLY BIG -"WHAT WAS I THINKING? FEELING WHEN YOU SEE THE REACCTION OF ONE OF THE ANNOYED PEOPLE

7) Possibly GET A KISS AND A BIG HUG -FROM SOMEONE THERE TO COMFORT YOU AFTER YOU'VE JUST RUINED SOMEONE'S NIGHT WITH THIS STUPID FORWARD and got told off!

8) Possibly GET KISSED HUGGED MORE -AND HOPEFULLY THE WILL NOT TO PASS ON ANY MORE CHAIN LETTERS!

10) GET ALL THE ABOVE -AND WHATEVER YOU PROBABLY WEREN'T EXPECTING AND DON'T WANT!!

OK YOU HAVE 1 MINUTE TO! BE SMART AND NOT SEND THIS!! You have no time to waste, delete it, NOW!

-Please, don't let some smarmy, sappy chain letter guilt, coerce, or otherwise emotionally blindside you into passing it along, because the cold hard fact is, their originators don't care a snit about you or anyone/anything else. It's a pretty sad person who gets their jollies trying to tear-jerk, pressure, scare, guilt, fool or otherwise sucker as many people as they can into clogging up the net and annoying some, and getting other gullible people to pass it on!

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