From: someone suffering from brain tissue death due to forwarditis
To:
Subject: Roses for a friend

Chain: You are receiving these roses because you are a special person!

Me: Yeah right, I'm "special" exactly like every other "special person!" who has ever gotten this so-called rose - whoop-dee-doo! I'm sooooo special! Please! Let's get real - I'm not the only one who's received this junk and as to you, whoever actually wrote it/came up with the idea, I don't know you. If you think I'm special, you're one scary...dude? Chick? Something.

Chain: Each rose symbolizes a special wish from me to you

Me: And what's in it for you? Oh, wait, I get it now, I know what your "wishes" really are, however you try to make this thing smell sweeter than it actually is.

Chain: One Rose for Long Friendship

Me: And that I pass it on.

Chain: One Rose for Unconditional Love

Me: And that I'll be touched and pass this on.

Chain: One Rose For Financial Wealth

Me: And that I'll share the wealth--uh-forward!

Chain: One for Everlasting Happiness

Me: Besides the fact that will never happen as long as people keep sending chain mail, you also wish I'll be super-dooper moved and touched and warm and fuzzy feeling and that I'll be motivated to pass it on.

Chain: One for Success

Me: And that I'll pass it on so my friends will take this as my wishing them success, so they'll pass it on to others.

Chain: One for Knowledge

Me: You obviously don't realize what you've just wished for and about whom. I have the knowledge not to send corny pseudo-friendship forwards.

Chain: One for Beauty, inner and outer
Chain: One for Family
Chain: One for Honesty

Me: I've got honesty, and knowledge, that's why I will not comply with your true wish and forward this on to anyone. Honesty is why I hate chain letters, and knowledge and consideration for others is why I don't forward them.

Chain: And the last one for a long and healthily life

Me: It's supposed to be 'healthy' not 'healthily' and why you'd wish me all these things is beyond me, you don't know me. So don't think you can fool and butter me up with this saccharin-sweet bilge. What I said about your real and honest wish for me to pass it on is about to be proven in its glaring lurid light.

Chain: For every friend you send these roses to, your wish will come
one month sooner

Me: I'm appalled that my friends are stupid enough to fall for this crap! When will it sink in, people? No chain email has that kind of power! It's a piece of spam badly written by some nobody, it's words on a computer screen, it is not magic, it is not from God, it can't grant you wishes any more than a dead battery can give you a hug!

Chain: This is a friend test.

Me: No friend worthy of being called a friend would ever do something so utterly idiotic as to 'test' their friends, and certainly not with this dumb dreck!

Chain: Send this to as many friends as you
possibly can especially the person that sent to you and if you get it
back, you truly will know who your friends are.

Me: Excuse me while I toss my cookies, then try to put myself out of commission, why, oh why are my "friends" so damn stupid! Who the !@#$ wants a zillion copies of the same piece of garbage in their email? And to whoever actually believes that sending out chains is a way of showing you off as a great friend, or that the number of chains you get back determines how many friends you have, go away! Talk to me when you overcome your shallowness and fatuousness and have kicked the forwarding habit and can be bothered to actually send me a real email!

Chain: You have 30 seconds start.

Me: Or what? My "healthily" long life with unconditional love and long friendships and good fortune will end if I don't spam everybody with this fake friendship junk that only a weak-minded and stupid person would actually believe? I'm not stupid, I stopped believing in the tale of the stork bringing the baby or that money grows on trees, or that the boogyman lived under my bed by the time I was in pre-school, and magic wish-granting chain mail soon after that! Sorry to burst your bubbles of delusion, but I'm not stupid. I don't like people, especially friends implying I am by sending me this trash. I'm embarrassed and ashamed for their lack of intelligence and consideration. If anybody gave this even two seconds of thought, they'd realize how completely ridiculous, phony, and annoying these chains are.

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